How Romania changed my life
by Jeffrey Scharpf
My trip to Romania
At the beginning, my only knowledge of Romania was from what I read in history books about World War 2 (I'm a big World War 2 history fan, I have old fashioned views, I like tradition, and sometimes I feel like I am a 18th century man stuck in the 21st century). I knew a little about what happened under the communists and I think that every American felt very sad for all Romanians behind that "Iron Curtain". I often wondered what people were like there, if they had dreams and hopes, if the guys were fun to be friends with and if the women would be nice to date.... I don't think that Romania really has a poor image. It's just that nobody really knows anything about it. Most people are pretty ignorant. They feel very sorry for all of you anytime they read about abandoned children, forced prostitution, etc. But me and other Americans also know that Romanians have to do what they have to do to survive in this world.
We Americans seem to think that our way is the best (we have good values, good family beliefs), and that the rest of the world should be like us. There are too many different cultures here and makes life interesting, but it is no "culture" to call American. Traditions are just what people decide for themselves. As for me, I feel no connection with my ancestors, I have no roots. Europeans seem different in many ways. Before my trip, I was reading allot on newsgroups about how I should be very careful on the trains because there are "gangs" of people (gypsies, Hungarians, etc.) that will rob American tourists... I was somewhat afraid.
I was very nervous before my trip. I hate to fly, in fact I never thought I would, but I knew that the only way to meet Valentina in person was to fly there. So I contacted a good travel agent who made the trip as least stressful as possible by giving me one direct flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, and I would take the train systems from Germany to Romania.
So I flew to Frankfurt and took trains (I wanted to see Europe and I hate to fly) to Austria, Hungary, and to Romania. On the flight there I met a nice German woman who "helped" me by giving me some wine. When we landed, I took the train from Frankfurt to Vienna, and ate at a small place in Vienna. Then I got on a night train from Vienna, to Budapest and Arad. The train ride was actually the most enjoyable experience of my life. It was strange being in several different countries, not speaking any of their languages and making my way around. I never once feared for my personal safety. During my entire trip, I felt totally safe. The train looked rather old and dark. I didn't know what to expect and it was dark outside by this time. I was in a sleeper and we traveled into Hungary in the night. The frequent stops were a little scary but I didn't know what was going on. Anyway many times a customs agent with soldiers would come on board and ask for a passport. As we approached Arad, my heart started to race as I felt finally I would be with Valentina! I was very excited.
In Romania
I arrived at the Arad train station at 4 AM. It was dark and many people were around : several taxi drivers approached me, a couple of kids that I guess were begging, and several groups of men asked me if I wanted to exchange money. I knew they were sure I was a tourist. Unfortunately I couldn't find Val anywhere. Even though it was a little intimidating, I never really felt scared, the people all seemed to be too busy with their own lives to worry about me (I know a little martial arts so I thought I would be able to fight if I needed to, but I never felt that need). It was dark, I was totally lost in a city that I didn't know anything about, and I was all alone. But I felt OK.
I found a nice taxi driver and he was very good since I'm sure he liked American cash. Here, for example you're safe in most of our cities in the Midwest. But if you were a tourist coming to America and you ended up in New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, at night I would fear for your life!!! I won't even go to some places at night here... so it was ironic that I had all these warnings before I left, yet I felt much safer during my entire stay there than I feel when I drive through Chicago at night. Anyway, I showed him the address on a piece of paper and he was very nice. He drove me around for a while, and finally we drove in to what appeared to be an alley. I wondered "Why is he taking me here?", without realizing American streets are different here. So finally we stopped, and I got out. I read the sign and sure enough it was the right place! Just then Valentina came out and it was the best moment of my life! I felt home!!! And it was like I was coming home from work and I lived there. I felt like I knew her all my life.
My impression of the apartment buildings was that they seemed sad, big concrete buildings. I thought of communism and that maybe it did this. People there seemed rather sad, mostly the men; the women seemed OK... It's hard to explain... When I was there I only met a couple of women, her sister, and some of her friends. The ones I met were very nice. I understand there is a lot more tradition there. For example, Valentina believes that men and women are actually different and women are better at some things and men are better at others. In America women want to be equal in every way, and this causes many problems.
I really didn't see much other than Arad. Actually every day we would walk to the market, then take the train or trolley into the main part of town. The trolley was crowded, but this taught me allot of patience... and it taught me how spoiled Americans are... I was pleasantly surprised by how efficient your train system worked, and how comfortable I felt there, even though I was not from there... It was like something I would read in a book : going to the market, and buying potatoes, for example, talking with the person selling the potatoes, seeing all the different people selling there goods.... We don't have anything like this here. In my country, you walk into a big store and get what you need, you have no idea where it came from, and you pay for it and leave. There is almost no interaction with people.
We saw a beautiful church and I was able to go inside. It was beautiful. We don't have buildings that are old like this in America. We saw some big buildings like city hall, and the theatre, many of these buildings were very old and very beautiful... We saw a nice park and river. In America, something that is 50 years old is considered old! So we don't have these traditional things... One thing I noticed was that at any time of night, we could walk to a store and buy something (like cigarettes) and there would be many people out walking so I felt safe. Here, in my city in America, it's safe, but nobody is out. You rarely see people walking so late (even if we got up at 2 AM and walked, there were many people out). Arad seemed a little crowded, but it was still nice. I was not use to everyone living in those apartment buildings but after a while I began to appreciate being able to walk to a store and buy food. Here everywhere you go requires a car.
Valentina cooked lots of good food! She ground the meat herself, did everything from scratch (again we don't see this much here). I had Sarmale, Ciorba, and many other dishes that I can't remember the names. She uses allot of potatoes and I love potatoes so this is a good thing for me. It was all excellent food. I ate like crazy! The food is made exactly like I wish it would be (not too spicy, too hot, too "much"). It's made with good healthy foods like vegetables and it always tastes great!
After coming back to USA
The entire time I was in Romania I felt like I was home. Like I belonged there, even though I didn't speak the language. I can't explain how this feels but it was good. When I was there, I made myself a place on the balcony of her apartment where I would sit outside and watch people, and have a beer. I felt so good... I felt so warm... it was nice... Now I miss my spot... I never felt like this even if I went to stay in another city in America, usually I get homesick... When I was in Romania, I didn't miss America at all. I was happy!!!!!!!!!! Valentina will play some Romanian music and I will find myself kind of sad....... it's hard to explain. AnimalX and Voltaj are great!! They rock!! I bought their CD's and I listen to them here. My wife loves it and she goes crazy when we play them at home and turn up the volume!
People here say "I love you" all the time almost like saying "hello". When I first met Valentina, there were times when she wouldn't say it to me. So I wondered "did she stop loving me?" She tells me that for her that word "love" is very special that she just doesn't say it all the time. Romanians use to save it for very special moments. I learned that from her. Now I think that Americans don't take love as seriously as Romanians do. It's not the kind of love and passion that Romanians have. Now I can "feel" how much she loves me and she doesn't even have to say anything........ this is all new to me.
Something funny : Valentina is very beautiful and many men here look at her. She told me she was surprised that this did not make me angry and that I did not blame her for attracting attention. In fact, I was actually proud that other men looked at her... Does that sound weird?? I guess this is where we (Americans and Romanians) are different.
One thing I used to believe strongly in is the right to own a gun... It's a popular belief here but after being with Valentina, and traveling to Romania where most people don't own guns. I've changed my belief in this subject and I think I will sell my guns.
Every time I see something on television or hear something on the radio about Romania, I become very interested. I feel like I "miss" it and it's not even my home. I listen to Romanian music allot and I don't even understand the words! I've learned to count, I've learned some basic Romanian greetings. It's good for an American to see the perspective that Europeans offer, how they think about us, etc....
The title of this contribution might be something like "How marrying a Romanian changed my life".... because being married to Valentina has changed my outlook on life. I have changed my feelings about how to really love someone. I never have felt loved like I do with Valentina! My life with Valentina is almost too good to be true. I've never met anyone who gives so unselfishly. This is why I always say Romanian women are the best in the world!!!!
Arad is placed on the Mures river and it is one the most important cities of the Western part of Romania (almost 200,000 inhabitants). The town is very beautiful and preserves many old monuments already mentioned in our Banat page. Foreign tourists are pleased to meet Arad and enter here in a special atmosphere. On the Revolution Boulevard you may find three hotels, the Roman-Catholic Cathedral, and the Red Church.
They may use the flights which arrive at the International Airport of Arad or the train because this city is considered to be one the greatest railway junction of the country. Guests are welcome to remain a few days in one of the following hotels : Astoria, Ardealul, Central, Parc and Muresul. The attractions of this city, the monasteries found near Arad (the Bezdin monastery built in 1539, the Hodos-Bodrog monastery built in Felnac village, the Gai monastery built in 1760, the Feredeu monastery built in Siria in 18th century ) and the incredible Mures valley will make them leave with deep regrets in their souls...
All photo's and text on this page are copyrighted by Jeffrey Scharpf - U.S.A.
Nothing on this page may be used in any kind of publication without the exclusive permission of Jeffrey Scharpf.
This page is last updated on 05 October 2002.
